Friday, April 22, 2011

Some of my favourite Muslim jokes

Two American Muslims are kidnapped by members of an extreme right-wing militia, and taken away for execution. As they are being tied to their posts, a militiaman comes and and says "Alright ya ragheads, 'cause I'm feeling nice, how 'bout one last cigarette before we shoot ya?"
The first Muslim defiantly screams "Go to hell you disbelieving scum!"
The second Muslim cringes and whispers "Shhhhh, Abdullah, you're making us look bad...."

Rashid was depressed. A friend noticed and asked him what was wrong. "Y-y-y-you s-s-see bro" Rashid replied, "I g-g-g-got knocked b-b-back for a j-job offer."
His friend asked "What job, Rashid?"
"N-n-n-n-newsreader"
"Well, Rashid, if you think about it, you'll have to admit that's not very surprising"
"D-d-damn straight bro. B-b-b-bloody I-i-islamophobes."

Bob the atheist was taking a walk in the park one day when he passed a Catholic priest. Bob shouted to the priest "Your religion is a fantasy!" and continued merrily on his way. Bob then happened to walk by a Rabbi. Turning his head, Bob exclaimed "Everything you believe in is a lie!" Feeling rather pleased with himself, he then happened to come across a Muslim cleric. Bob murmured "Good morning sir."

Warning: this next one is very Australia-specific......

For his annual leave, a traditional Pakistani Muslim from Melbourne decided to visit Queensland. Passing through a small rural town, he cut quite a strange figure in his skullcap and shalwar kameez as he fingered his prayer beads. People would stop and stare, and little kids would follow him, giggling all the way. Soon he had practically the whole town following his every step! Finally losing his temper, he whirled around and screamed "Ok fine! Stare at the bloody Mexican!"

Finally, an oldie but a goodie:

"When I was in the desert," said Mullah Masruddin (yep, that Naruddin!), "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run."
"However did you do it?" asked a person.
"Easy, I just ran, and they ran after me."

 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Farah Pandith at the Islamic Council of Victoria


On the evening of April the 5th, the Islamic Council of Victoria was fortunate enough to host Secretary Hillary Clinton's Special Representatives to Muslim Communities, Farah Pandith, for an intimate public talk.

It was Ms. Pandith's first visit to Australia, and the 42nd country she had visited since being appointed to her position in 2009. She began by giving the audience a brief overview of the responsibilities of her job. The Special Representative's office was basically designed to execute the Obama government's vision for engagement with Muslim communities worldwide, with a special emphasis on grassroots work and the under-30 generation. Ms. Pandith noted that even though the US government's engagement with Muslims is far from a new phenomenon, it never before has been made such a priority. She emphasised how important it is to hear young Muslims of the 'Facebook Generation' in order to connect them and share their ideas not only with other of their demographic, but senior government officials, private organisations, NGOs and other such groups. In Ms Pandith's own words, "You cannot isolate one-fourth of humanity".

During her travels, Ms Pandith noted that wherever she was, the concept of identity remained a key issue amongst young Muslims, those who grew up in the shadow of 9-11. Identity is no abstract matter, and remains important for all people. Therein we can appreciate the danger of the isolation of this demographic, in that if young Muslims feel that engagement with conventional society is pointless or unachievable, they will turn to less savoury elements in order to consolidate their own identities. Indeed, young Muslims don't want to be talked about, but rather, have a role in framing the conversation.

It was at this point that the presentation moved to a more conversational style of interaction, with Ms Pandith opening the floor to questions. An audience member asked her to define her conception of 'grassroots' action. Ms Pandith summarised it as basically "walking the street" to go into the place real people go to - neighbourhood by neighbourhood, community by community. Recalling her history of employment in the private sector, during which she often sat on community boards, she developed an awareness of the importance of community collaboration - due to the complexities within society, goals are not achieved in isolation, and it is not just government  that can act as the solution to problems.

Another gentleman made a query as the differences in the situation of Muslim communities in Europe and the US, for instance in regards to social integration. In reply to this Ms Pandith emphasised the dangers of making generalisations, as well as the need to be aware of differences not just between countries, but within countries themselves. As an example, she cited the differences between Madrid - the city with the largest mosque in Europe, and a significant convert population - and Barcelona, where mosques cannot even be built and the large Pakistani population consists largely of single males! She noted the role of the US Constitution in helping to create a relatively well-integrated American Muslim demographic, whilst Europe fails to possess comfortable levels of diversity, also touching on the many varied reasons for such ghettoisation. Despite the growing world trend for the isolation and fear of the 'other', Ms Pandith recognised the opportunities available in Europe (eg relative political stability and lack of war) as well as the challenges. She noted how the question of integration was very imporant but hard to unpack. 

Another audience member asked about the effectiveness of implementing conversations with communities in such a climate where people feel free to publicly accuse the US President as being a secret Muslim, with the intention of attacking his legitimacy. Ms Pandith replied that there will always be conspiracy theories as well as negative global events to deal with. She remembered being at the White House when rumours of the Quran being flushed down the toilet at Guantanamo surfaced. Despite this, she still had to continue doing her job, stating that it would be impossible to do so if she waited everyday for a  perfect news day.

Another person half-jokingly asked that to go with Ms Pandith's role, shouldn't there be a Muslim Special Representative to the US? Ms Pandith responded by saying that although she couldn't speak for other countries, the US initiative was both special and unprecedented. It is in the best interests for both the US and the world at large, and since the goal, very necessarily, was to connect communities, it was chosen to use this way to do things.

A woman in the audience noted that Bill Clinton was big on cross-cultural training, and asked if Obama was the same. She was also very interested in how much effort was being put into education to address misconceptions about Islam. In reply, Ms Pandith emphasised that despite the importance of religion in her country, there is a very strict line between the church and the state, although individual persons in government are free to take part in such activities if they wish. She also noted that there is an abundance of interfaith groups and the like to take on the task of clearing religious misconceptions.

When asked about the extent of Muslim participation in US politics, Ms Pandith noted the differences in Europe and the US in regards to this issue, with the former having lots of young Muslims in politics. Although the situation in the US is changing, it is not happening very fast, although there are many Muslims already in government who are steadily going up the ranks. She stated that there are many reasons why US Muslims are not inclined to run for office. For example, the children of migrants are generally not encouraged to get into politics, as it wasn't the "cool" thing back in the home countries of their parents!

A gentleman in the audience, noting that Ms Pandith was born in Kashmir, stated that he took issue with calling the place a 'disputed territory', and cast doubt on the US's sincerity in combating the root causes of Muslim terrorism. Ms Pandith objected, saying that it was clear that the Obama administration had very forcefully spoken about aspects of global terrorism, and that the Kashmir crisis is at heart an issue to be worked out between India and Pakistan, and is not part of her remit. She also stated that accusing the US of not tackling the 'root causes' was a very general statement - the US is not hands-off at all, and all kinds of things are being done in accordance with the complexity of the factors involved.

Another audience member who was born in Afghanistan admitted to feeling a certain confusion about his identity; whether he was Afghan, Australian or a global citizen. He also wondered how he was supposed to stand as a Muslim, since be didn't perform many acts of worship like prayer, and asked if the US drew any distinctions between Muslms of different 'groups'. Ms Pandith replied that it is important not to look at Muslims as a lump, which is both insulting and untrue. Understanding diversity allows for respect and the comprehension of issues. It was not the perspective of the US government to discriminate which Muslims are more 'Muslim' than others. She recalled having many painful conversations. For instance, in Copenhagen in a room with fifty Muslim children, a sixteen year old girl raised her hand, stating that she was apparently not a Muslim, and that her imam had told her that. When asked why, she just said "Well, look at me". Ms Pandith failed to understand her point, and repeated her question twice more, but getting the same answer each time. She eventually realised that the girl's non-Muslimness was due to her wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and that even her mother had told her that she wasn't Muslim if she dressed that way (Ms Pandith also recalled an American imam who was sitting next to her at the time bursting into laughter at this point). She said that there was no such thing as the "Muslim World", and that that was an idea al-Qaeda wants everyone to believe. There is no "Muslim Community", but "communities".

As the talk finished slightly ahead of schedule, the group broke up even though the conversation continued for some time ahead. All present were grateful for the opportunity to hear from a figure doing such an important job in the world today.

*Apologies for any misquotings or misrepresentations, which are entirely my own*

Sunday, April 3, 2011

What Australians Really Think......


Australia doesn't exactly have a good reputation for its treatment of refugees and asylum seekers. People throughout the world look at us and wonder how a first-world country which loves so much to carry on about wonderful, enlightened and democratic it is can abuse with such fierce glee such vulnerable and disadvantaged people, whether for political gain or pure and simple schadenfreude. But beyond what one sees in the media, plenty of Australians do indeed care. And here is evidence.